When it comes to cocktails, you’ve got your classics: the Manhattan, the Martini, the CocoCocaCola. Some cocktails are even named after real people, be it the creator or the muse for the drink: you’ve got your Tom Collins, a refreshing gin-based drink with lemon juice, sugar syrup, and carbonated water; there’s a Rob Roy, a sophisticated
Here’s how to make this astringent beverage. It’s a cocktail best appreciated by the easily led who float through life rolling with the punches.
When dedicating a cocktail to someone, you really have to take their character into account. You have to look at what they stand for, what they value. You have to look at their appearance as well as consider how they spend their free time.
When coming up with a cocktail in tribute to Ilhan Omar’s name and character, I took into account her recent tweets supporting Socialism and how she is willing to apologize over her overtly racist comments toward Israel. Of course, she hasn’t apologized for what she’s said about white people but in 2019 no one really cares about that.
So, what would a cocktail be for a person who claims the current U.S. President is a racist while going on record saying that “People should fear white men more” and that “Israel has hypnotized the world.” What would a cocktail be for a person who puts the blame squarely on America for the declining Venezuela but not blame the Venezuelan economic policy? What would a cocktail be for a person who refuses to recognize 9/11 as a terrorist attack?
Every cocktail needs a base, something to build upon the other ingredients. So, we’re going to start with a nice, thin layer of gritty sand. Make sure the sand is of coarse grit, as abrasive as possible. If you can’t find any sand then just go ahead and scrape up some dirt. With that, add 3 ounces to the bottom of a wine glass. Make sure the wine glass is well washed because we want to keep up appearances.
Once you have your sand (or dirt substitute), follow it up with 8 ounces of rocks and gravel. Make sure that the rocks and gravel aren’t too large. You want to make sure that these pebbles bounce around inside their vessel, knocking around each other enough to pull this drink together.
Once you’ve got your base in order we’re going to top off the glass with a good portion of bitter Campari; however, you’re probably thinking, “this isn’t going to be nearly bitter enough.” That’s why we’re going to add a few dashes of acerbic coffee grounds. I mean, really get the worst kind of coffee grounds you can. I’m talking about dark roast with chicory if you can find it.
Finally, we’re going to garnish this cocktail with a modest wrapping of a napkin. It doesn’t matter what color it is, really. As long as you conceal the top but not hide what’s underneath. That’s what’s important. We want to suppress the allure of this cocktail as much as possible while still giving off a false sense of liberation by placing everything in a presentable glass. Because, remember, it’s not what this cocktail says, it’s what it does.
The Ilhan Omar cocktail isn’t for everyone, that’s for sure. And if you really enjoy it, that’s great. I hope you have a great dental plan that someone else is paying for. If you hate the drink, well, it’s not because you have good sense, it’s simply because you’re probably a racist.
