Congratulations, by some weird alignment you’ve got yourself a talented kid. Now what do you do with them? They’re getting lessons and they’re practicing. Things are moving along swimmingly. But you’re probably saying to yourself, “I’m no musician…I’m no athlete…I don’t have any expertise in this….Hey, this is why I’m shelling out the bucks for a teacher.” Right, you want your kid to have the best shot at success. So what can you do, as the parent, to foster an environment that will help your talented little kid have the best possible chance at achieving their goal? Well, in part 3 of my Raising A Talented Kid series we’ll look at three things you can do to contribute…
As a parent you probably do what you can to create an environment that is conducive to good child rearing. Right? You don’t let them watch beheading videos when they get home from school; you make sure you don’t use any naughty words in front of them; you lock up all the liquor and guns. You’re doing your best not to raise a Jeffrey Dahmer or Lyndsay Lohan.
So what else can you do to help your kid blossom into the talented person that you know they can become?
1 ~ Find The Right Teacher
At the early stage in your kid’s development it is imperative that they get started down the right path. The right teacher can help your kid visualize their own path and realize their pursuits. The right teacher should be a good communicator and well seasoned in their own craft.
When I first started out in bass lessons I had many options when it came to available teachers. My parents looked around and asked about possible candidates. I had friends that took lessons from a guy over in this guitar shop and a guy over in that guitar shop. There were people that gave private lessons and there were people that could come to your house to give lessons. Through good word-of-mouth we settled on this one guy in the next city over. I would eventually end up taking bass guitar lessons from him for about 2 years.
Before I took my first lesson my dad came into the guitar store to meet the guy. He asked him how long he’d been teaching and what his credentials were. My future guitar teacher not only answered my dad’s questions but spelled out what I would be learning down the road and what he offers to students. Basically, his instruction was geared towards teaching the basics so that I could continue my lessons at a University level. And he did just that. I learned about reading music, transcribing, learning by ear, scales, etc. etc. and all that jazz.
Sure, I learned a lot of stuff that I eventually found out to be bad advice and had to relearn certain techniques but the essentials were there and it gave me a great start.
As a parent you should take the time to find the right teacher that will click with your kid. Someone that has experience and communicates the material well for the given age of your kid. You should sit in on the first couple of lessons to get a feel for how your kid and the teacher interact with each other and how they gel. Let the teacher do their thing and teach in their own way. At some point you should back off and give them space so that your kid doesn’t feel self-conscious about messing up in front of you. Once they build confidence you can eventually witness how far they’ve developed.
2 ~ Processing Praise
One of the things you shouldn’t do is heap on praise that fosters to their natural abilities. By that, I mean, if your kid finishes up a piano recital and does very well you shouldn’t glaze on a thick coat of, “Wow, you did so well. You’re so naturally gifted.”
This type of praise demeans the effort that was put in to get to where they’re at and sets them up for anxiety in losing their position of standard.
When praising your child your focus should be on how hard they’ve worked and not their in-born natural abilities. Praise of the natural abilities could give your kid a fixed mindset and could discourage them from taking on bigger challenges. Because if they fail they’ll take it as a slight on who they are as a person and not for what they’ve worked towards.
Focus your praise on their effort. After that recital you could say something like, “Wow, that was fantastic. Those hours of practice really paid off.”
You should also keep things in perspective. I’m not saying you should be a downer but your kid should learn that everything in life isn’t going to be a roaring success.
Edie Thys Morgan, a two-time Olympian on the U.S. Ski Team, often will encourage her own kids by saying something like, “Enjoy it today. You earned it! You’ll win some and lose some.”
3 ~ Have Your Own Interests and Activities
One of the most important things you can do for your kids is be a model for them. You should show them the things that you’re working on. You should show them that you have other interests – your own interests – and that you, like them, work hard at achieving something.
When I was growing up my parents were always doing something creative. My dad was really into cars: building cars from the ground up, custom paint jobs, etc. My mom was always into making things: dresses, art projects, etc.
There was always something creative going on and the TV was rarely powered-up except for the evening News.
I could go outside and look at this new car my dad built from the ground up. All the hours and work he put into it paid off. He’d meticulously paint the individual parts under the hood. He’d fabricate and make things like handle-less doors. And my mom was always sewing and making clothing and art projects. From her I got all these cool ideas like making a bookshelf above my bedroom door that was made out of an old glass-paned shutter.
Madeline Levine, Ph.D., author of Teach Your Children Well says, “One of the most important things we can do is model an adulthood worth striving for. Having nothing to do but watch kids throw a ball around all weekend may not be the best example to show our kids.”
Next up we’ll cover what you can do when your kids say “I quit.”
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This blog is sponsored by Real Simple magazine and by “My Kids Got Talent” by Jennifer King Lindley
If you haven’t checked out the new Cea Serin lyric video, please do so now:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OFy3iD_zF7k
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