Before I even jump into this thing I should probably point out that I don’t have any kids. Wait, wait, wait – that doesn’t mean you should stop reading. Because I know what I’m talking about here, people. Just because I don’t have any kids (and I have the DNA tests to prove it) it doesn’t mean I haven’t read up on this, had experiences in it, and observed how parents have handled this very issue. I have a genuine interest in this very issue. So I want to bring up a topic series that deals with how a parent should handle a child that has begun to show an interest in music or sports. This will handle some questions that parents may have and will cover such topics as genetics vs practice, the importance of passion, how to give your kids the best shot at success, how to get to the next level & what happens when you get there, and what happens when they want to quit what they’ve started. So, parents, this one is for you. It’s all about parenting a prodigy, so let’s start out with Genetics vs. Practice…
My parents were lucky because I never got into sports. They never had to endure waking up before dawn just so they could get me to ice skating lessons (not that that was ever even a remote possibility). They never had to leave work early or rework their schedule just so I could get to the pool before school. However, when I was 12, my mother did have to bring me to piano lessons and sit out in her car reading a book. She worked all day then had to come home, gather me up, and drive me way out into the country so I could get my hour long piano lesson for the week. This, eventually, let to bass guitar lessons. But that all ended when I started driving and could cart myself to guitar and singing lessons without parental supervision.
However, there are a lot of parents out there entering into this world of sacrificing their time for their kids. But you know what, it’s not really “sacrifice.” And I need to address this because people misuse the word. We should point out that “sacrifice” is when you give up a higher value for a lower value. So if your kid shows an interest in a sport or musical program you should want to usher your child into this new area of discovery – because your kid is a higher value than your time. But why would you do this? Because your kid might have fun. They might actually enjoy it. It might enrich their lives. It might help structure their brain so they can deal with competition, mathematics, and improvisation. It might instill confidence in them. As a parent this should be paramount to you and in no way should waking up early or giving up an hour of your day be viewed as “sacrifice.”
If you nurture your child’s ambition at being a star piano player or world class swimmer then congratulations, you’re doing a good job. You’re helping promote a pattern of behavior that teaches the truism that practicing something gets results and that hard work pays off.
Madeline Levine, Ph.D. and author of Teach Your Children Well says, “We think we build our children’s self-esteem by telling them they’re great. But that’s backward. They have to earn it for themselves by being good at something.”
So if you have a kid that is good at something how do you encourage them without seeming like your piling on the pressure?
In a previous entry, I wrote about Malcolm Gladwell’s Outliers book that purports that anyone can achieve a level of brilliance by putting in 10,000 hours of focused practice. This idea has made the rounds and is now being accepted into the Zeitgeist of popular culture. It’s a throwaway discussion point in sitcoms; and, like the “_____ from Hell,” it has entered into our pop culture lexicon, used without the need of a reference or citation.
The 10,000 hour rule was first brought up in the research by K. Anders Ericsson, Ph.D., a professor of psychology at Florida State University in Tallahassee. He tracked the practice habits of some of the top performers in chess, music, and swimming. What he found was that the achievement of greatness is dovetailed in the long hours spent by systematically working out weaknesses in an effort to constantly move to the next level, not by noodling around a fretboard while sitting on the couch as you work through Season 1 of The Wire.
Robert Woody, Ph.D., a professor of music education at the University of Nebraska Lincoln says, “What makes practice effective is when you find a skill you need to work on, then identify those small steps you can take to get better at it.” Sounds logical to me.
But, look, we all went to school with those people that just seemed to naturally pick up on something. There are people out there that can easily grasp the difficulties of mathematics or are just a natural at hitting a baseball. And then there are the rest of us that can’t seem to swat at a volleyball and can never sing our way through the Happy Birthday song. We need to point out that there is, by some degree, a level of genetics involved in being able to pick up a skill.
A recent study at the University of California, San Diego, strongly indicates the ability of perfect pitch has some basis in being passed along by genetics.
But it’s very hard to identify if your kid has an innate ability.
The first step is finding something that your kid actually loves to do, then waiting to see if he or she has a knack for it.
Next we’ll cover Why Passion Is Important.
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This blog is sponsored by Real Simple magazine and by “My Kids Got Talent” by Jennifer King Lindley
If you haven’t checked out the new Cea Serin lyric video, please do so now:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OFy3iD_zF7k
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